It's me, Leo Valdez
by It'smmeeee
Summary: Yup, that's right, it's me, Leo Valdez! And today I'm playing teacher- who wants to learn how to write? :D


**Hey, guys! I don't own anything. Enjoy this little story!**

Greetings, mortals! (and Octavian… why are you on this site, again?)

It is I, the amazing Leo Valdez! And I'm here to (drum roll, please) teach you how to write a PJO Fanfiction the _proper _way.

First lesson, my dear pupils- all characters must be out of character. What? You think I'm wrong? Trust me, I've read plenty of Fanfiction on this website. I know how you mortals seem to like to write. Now shut up and let me teach!

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. OOCness. Let's start with Percy Jackson. Now, in real life, Percy is sarcastic, sometimes a bit awkward, and nowhere _near _as amazing as I am. (No, I'm _not _a teensy bit jealous. Why would you say that?!) Anyway, on this site, you seem to have a different vision of Percy. So, you should probably write him the way the other authors do. You don't want to be the odd one out, do you?

When writing a Fanfiction, Percy must be two things: 1. Unbelievably handsome with SEA green eyes (Notice how I capitalized 'sea.' They cannot be simply green. They have to be _sea_ green. Don't forget that.) 2. He has to be funny, romantic, an amazing fighter, protective, loyal… in a nutshell, perfect. _He is not allowed to have any faults of any kind. _(What? You think Percy should have some faults? Pfft, please. Who's the teacher here?)

Let's not forget his girlfriend, Annabeth Chase, a beautiful girl who captures Percy's heart the moment she meets him. (Yes, I _know _that's not what happened in real life, but that's the way you need to write it. Remember, you want to be like all the other fanfic authors!) Even though she has STORMY gray eyes, (Not gray- _stormy _gray. Are you taking notes yet?) don't forget to portray her as dainty and delicate. (Yeah, yeah, I know she's not. Will you _stop _interrupting me?!)

What did you just say? You don't think my character descriptions are very helpful?! Fine! Be that way! There's plenty of other stuff to talk about, anyway! Hump.

What was that? You want to know how to write the bad guy in a story? Oh, that's easy! Just make the bad guy Rachel! (In a pinch, Calypso or Drew will do as well, but Rachel works the best.) You fans seem to _really _hate this Rachel chic, so she makes the perfect snotty villain. (Huh? Rachel is a good person in real life? Pfft, don't be ridiculous. You can't fool me. I've read the stories, you mortal!)

What? You want to make up your _own _villain? An original character? Oh. Ok. I knew that. Well, I can teach you to write OCs. (That stands for 'Oreo Consumer' on Fanfiction. What? You think it means 'Original Character'? Na- I like my interpretation better.)

Anyway, writing your own character. Make them like Percy- perfect. Good-looking, everyone loves them- you get the idea. Bonus points if you can make them related to Percy! Be sure to give them really common place names- Mary is a good one, or Sue. Or if it's a guy, Gary. Yeah, those are good.

Hm, what else can I teach you? Oh, I know! Pairings! So, you probably know all the real pairings- Percy/Annabeth, Piper/Jason, Frank/Hazel, Grover/Juniper, etc. You have them all in your mind? Yeah? Good. Ok, now forget them all. Wipe them from your mind entirely. Now come up with the craziest pairings imaginable.

What? You don't see why you need to discard the real pairings? Well, my young student, let me explain- BECAUSE I'M THE TEACHER AND I SAY SO. Haha, you should have seen the look on your face! No, it's because real pairings are like poison in your story. Mix it up! People like that! (What? You don't think they do? Well, what do you know? Now, for the last time- let me teach!)

Some good examples are Rachel/Percy, (_Yes, _I _know _she's an oracle. Write it anyway!) Percy/Calypso, Luke/Thalia (Gods, yes I know one is a hunter and the other is dead! Can't you pretend for a moment? Jeez!) and Thalia/Percy. (Who cares if they're related?) Oh, lets not forget about Nico and me! We're (unfortunately) single! That's like gold for all you mortals! You can match us with _anyone_!

Nico has been matched with tons of people- OCs, Thalia, Rachel, even Percy (Now _that _was a weird story…) So lets talk about the important person here: me.

C'mon, guys. A hot girlfriend would be nice. Huh? You don't care? Well then, you can go to Hades for all I care! Gods, you people are all insane! THIS IS THE STUFF, PEOPLE!

Yeah, yeah, I know. The old _"What kind of story should I write, Leo?" _question. When in doubt, write a cliché! (Stop giving me that look! I know what I'm doing!)

What qualifies as a cliché? High school, zombie apocalypse, dear Fanfiction- oh! I know! Make everybody into a band! (Yes, I know most of us can't sing. Who cares?)

What was that? You want to know the basic fundamentals to a Fanfiction? Fine. You want me to talk about the boring stuff. Great. Thanks a lot, guys. Ok, here we go.

Grammar and spelling. Here, I'll demonstrate:

"_Leo!" She cried, running to the unbelievably attractive boy desperately. _

Proper Grammar and spelling. Now, here's how you should write it on Fanfiction:

"_Leo!1!" She cryed running 2 the unbelievbly attracive boy desperate. _

What? You think that looks awful and that I'm _wrong? _You know what, that's the last straw! One minute, I need to grab something…

Here it is! Yes, you are correct, it is a roll of duct tape. Now, sit very still… a little more here… a bit there… done! Can't talk with all that tape on your mouth, can you? Haha, I crack myself up!

Oh no! Jason's coming! I'm supposed to be fixing the Argo's engine… _di immortals_, this is going to be hard to explain. Gotta go!

-Leo Valdez, super amazing teacher to fangirls (and guys) everywhere

IMPORTANT: I'm not trying to offend anyone, and I know I'm guilty of a lot of this stuff! I've read some seriously amazing fanfictions before. This is just a cliché little "How to" fanfic, that's (hopefully) kinda funny and different. No flames, please!

**Until next time :)**


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